Dr. Jackie Black is an international Relationship Expert assisting singles, engaged couples, newlyweds, committed couples and those divorcing.
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Single Mother By Choice By Coaching Circles Staff Writer
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"Someday you'll meet someone, fall in love, get married and have children." Sound familiar? But what our mothers didn't tell us was that it doesn't necessarily have to be in that order.
"For me, the time for the whole marriage and children thing just never lined up," says Kirsten, 36, an investment banker in New York City. "I was too busy building my career in my twenties. The men I met were busy with their careers too and not serious about relationships. I kept thinking it would just 'happen,' that it would all fall into place and it wasn't until I was celebrating my 35th birthday, that I realized the whole procreation scene was not adding up for me . I was not in a relationship and even if I did meet someone, it would take some time for things to develop. For me it was a time issue. I had the money but I was running out of time."
That's when Kirsten got out her calendar and took the matter of family planning in her own hands. She checked out the viability of her remaining eggs, researched sperm donors, scheduled an artificial insemination procedure and within a few months she was pregnant. Time was no longer the issue for Kirsten.
More and more single women of a certain age are choosing to heed the alarms of the biological clock . The Census Bureau reports that 40 percent of never-married women in their 30s have a child. And single motherhood for both divorced and never-married women continues to rise. In 1970 there were 3.4 million single mothers in the United States; now there are nearly 10 million.
Although this population is on the rise and the social stigma once associated with single parenthood seems to be fading, advocates for marriage and the family express concern for the child. "It's not the social stigma of single parenthood that worries me," says Tian Dayton, Ph.D., author of Heartwounds and Trauma and Addiction, "it's that the richness and depth of the child's outer life - the longevity and commitment of parental relationships - translate into a more solid inner world for a growing child." While Barbara Curry, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Charleston, South Carolina, may agree with the importance of a family structure for the development of a child, she also supports the decision of women in their thirties choosing to have children on their own. "Fertility starts to decrease after a woman is 35 and further reduces to a 30% chance of becoming pregnant after she is forty. This is not a fact that well educated, single women take lightly," says Barbara.
Deborah Wolf, a psychotherapist in New York City, says of her clients deciding to be single mothers, "These women have more wisdom and self knowledge by this age. They actually want a child, have done their homework and are in an emotionally good place to mother." She goes on to say that these women have developed strong extended family networks and systems of support. However both therapists stress the importance of examining the choice to have a child alone.
Ask yourself these questions if you're deciding to have a child on your own.
These are based on questions from “The Complete Single Mother” by Andrea Engber and Leah Klunger, PhD:
• How will the father play a role in your child's life?
• Do you have an extended family in place that can support you and your choice?
• Are you emotionally prepared to be judged by others and to handle negative feedback?
• Do you think having a child will fill a void in your own life?
• Are you able to mother yourself when you need to?
• How will you explain your choice to become a single mother to your child?
• Are you having a child so a relationship can continue?
• Are you prepared for the physical and emotional stress of pregnancy?
• Do you have all of your legal and financial matters in order?
CELEBRITY INTERVIEW with ROSE McGOWAN by Coaching Circles Staff Writer Comments (0) ROSE McGOWAN is one of the most sought-after actresses in Hollywood.
Raised in a commune in Italy for the Children of God cult, McGowan's life has always been anything but ordinary. Her film roles, as well as her engagement to shock rocker Marilyn Manson (aka Brian Warner) continue to fascinate the public. But the star of "Jawbreaker," "Ready to Rumble" and the upcoming Brendan Fraser, Bridget Fonda, Whoopi Goldberg comedy, "Monkeybone," has some simple advice on how she keeps things rockin' with Manson.
CC: How do you and Marilyn keep your relationship fresh?
Rose: We go away alone together for the weekend every three months. Last time we went miniature golfing and rode little race cars and smashed them into each other. It was Golf & Stuff up near Santa Barbara. We couldn’t go outside the car much because we’re too noticeable, but it was a nice drive up the coast."
CC: What relationship advice would you give other women?
Rose: Ladies, don't hang your bras and undergarments around in the bathroom. You've got to keep the mystery alive. Those items should just naturally appear when the mood is right.
CC: How did you know Marilyn was the one?
Rose: He's devastatingly funny--and whip smart. I can't even tell you most of the stuff he does to make me laugh. It's not printable. But when you're that intimate with someone, you should feel comfortable doing things you wouldn't normally do in front of others. We certainly do.
Here all seeking is over,
the lost has been found,
a mate has been found
to share the chills of winter
now Love asks
that you be united.
Here is a place to rest,
a place to sleep,
a place in heaven.
Now two are becoming one,
the black night is scattered,
the eastern sky grows bright.
At last the great day has come. free
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Single Mother By Choice By Coaching Circles Staff Writer
CELEBRITY INTERVIEW 
