I was a full-time clinical psychologist focusing on family and couples’ counseling for 15 years; now I am a coach. Couples I work with gain a lot of value from by training from both areas.
JOE BAVONESE PH.D.
I am the Director of the Relationship Institute, which is a psycho-educational service organization dedicated to helping singles, couples and parents create healthy, loving, intimate relationsh
MARK ADORNETTO
I have been working with people in transition since1987 when I co-facilitated workshops for people in divorce.
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Religion Impacts Dating Choice By LOIS E. BECKETT via The Harvard Crimson
Alexa P. Summer ’06 always assumed that she would raise her children Jewish. Now that she’s in a serious relationship with a practicing Catholic, however, her children’s faith is no longer quite so certain.
“It’s more up in the air than it’s ever been for me,” she says.
In deciding who they want to date, most college students say they do not think about marriage or children.
But the choice to date someone may have unexpected implications—especially if that person does not share your religion, Summer says.
Faced with these complexities, many students say they will not date members of other religions, and those who say they are willing to do so admit it isn’t always easy.
WHAT WILL GRANDMA SAY?...
Q&A With Joel Crohn Interfaith & Intercultural Expert Facilitated by Coaching Circles Comments (0)
Q. I'm a Christian man and my fiancée is a woman from a Reform Jewish background. What are the most common problems a Christian/Jewish marriage will face and should we immediately seek help?
A. Too often interfaith couples approach marriage minimizing their differences because it feels so good to be in love. Especially with the pressures of a wedding approaching, it sometimes seems best to sweep differences under the rug in the hope that "We can just make it through the wedding." This is often a big mistake. I think of the period between engagement and ceremony as the "escrow period" of love. It's stressful, but there is no better time to face your differences. Most importantly, clarify confusion and mixed feelings about your own religious background before you try to work things out with your partner. And yes, finding a counselor to help you work through these issues can be the best relationship insurance. .
Q. I am Jewish and my wife was raised as a Catholic. When we first discussed marriage, I told her that I didn't care if she converted, but that it was extremely important to me that we raise our children as Jewish. She agreed, but now we're having a crisis about the issue three weeks before our first child is due. We know it's a boy, and I took it for granted that we would have a bris (ritual circumcision). My wife said that she never thought raising children as Jewish included any kind of circumcision. Help!
A. The most difficult task for most of us is to imagine ourselves in the future. When we're 10, it was hard to really envision being 20. And even when we turn 50, 60 still seems like a long time away. So when the two of you agreed to raise your children as Jewish, maybe you didn't spend enough time talking about what the idea of having Jewish children really entailed. Many couples are anxious about being specific because they are frightened that if they are, insurmountable differences might arise. Don't despair or panic. The most important thing now is to begin to talk more deeply about your concerns. If either of you feels coerced into a quick solution by the other, you all may suffer for a long time. While the traditional bris takes place when a boy is eight days old, you may need more time to work things out. Our new book, "Fighting for Your Jewish Marriage" gives lots of suggestions about how to discuss these kinds of difficult issues. Also, some counseling might be in order. Your child's emotional and spiritual well being demands that the two of you work out your differences. But please, just remember half a circumcision is not a viable option.
Q. My boyfriend is African American and grew up in an upper-middle class family. He just finished law school at Princeton, and his financial prospects are, to put it mildly, fantastic. If I may be direct, I'm a tall, good-looking blond young woman from a humble background. I was raised by a single working mom and we were always short on time and money. I'm having trouble with how other people stereotype us. Either they assume that I'm more educated than my boyfriend because I'm white and he's black, or, if they know about his accomplishments, they assume I'm with him because of his success. We love each other very much, but we're having a hard time dealing with other people. What should we do?
A. Whether we like it or not, we are all social animals. It's never easy to ignore others' perceptions of us, even when they are totally wrong. Make sure you learn to share your feelings and thoughts about unpleasant incidents with each other. It's usually more important that you are there to support one another than it is to protect each other from negative feelings. Also, work on building a network of friends and family who know you as a couple and appreciate who you really are. Isolation is a big risk factor for all couples. Seek out an interracial organization in your city and consider joining. The Association of MultiEthnic Americans, Inc. is a great resource. Finally, remember the old real estate adage--location, location, location. Certain cities and neighborhoods are more receptive and friendly to interracial couples, and choosing well can make life a lot more pleasant.
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Religion Impacts Dating Choice By LOIS E. BECKETT 
Q&A With Joel Crohn 
