I have been working with people in transition since1987 when I co-facilitated workshops for people in divorce.
LIVE OPEN CALL: Friday, August 7th, 2009
Call in to ask any question you may have in personal or professional development. It is easy, call 1.712.432.3900 at 9a PST | 12 noon EST | 5p London, August 7th, 2009 Email us for your access code: Coaches @ CoachingCircles.com (no spaces) via phone, free
Affair-Proof Your Marriage by Dr. Phil
You can't control your partner's behavior, but you don't have to set yourself up to get hurt either. Innoculate yourself against infidelity by making sure you're attentive, involved and plugged in to your marriage.
Suspect Your Partner is Having an Affair?
Remember that people who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. Look for the common sense warning signs: A shift in patterns, accessibility, money, reliability and secrecy. A sudden great interest in grooming or dress, going to the gym, or putting on cologne. Also, remember not to accuse your partner because of unhealthy jealousy, which could hurt the trust.
If You Are Having Problems:
- Turn toward your partner — not away. You absolutely cannot fix a problem inside a relationship by turning outward. All that does is create problems.
- Don't play games in your head. It is a short step from thought to action.
- Don't confuse reality with fantasy. We often forget that there's a difference between falling in love and being in love. You can't expect a love that grows to be like it was on the first date.
Q&A With Bill & Stephanie O’Hanlon Facilitated by Coaching Circles Comments (0)
Q. My husband and I have been married just a couple of months. Recently I've noticed him flirting with other women at parties and giving one woman a kiss that was beyond friendly. I've always trusted him, having known him for three years before we got married, but is this trust misplaced?
A. From what you wrote, it sounds like up to this point his trust worthiness hasn't been an issue. First, be clear about what you consider violations of faithfulness and trust in the relationship. Is kissing a woman on the cheek okay? Is kissing her on the mouth not okay? Is having dinner alone with a woman okay? Is flirting okay? Sometimes couples have assumptions rather than clear agreements about what the boundaries are.
Some people become a little wiggy after getting married. They start acting more like a parent than a spouse and expect their partner to act a specific way. Or they just find that certain issues are activated (like commitment or monogamy). We knew a couple with whom this happened and it started to cause big problems in their relationship. They had to acknowledge the problem and then go back to what had worked for them when they were living together before they got married.
The bottom line is: talk to your husband about what he is doing that bothers you and figure out what is going on without making accusations or jumping to any conclusions, and then go from there.
Q. My boyfriend has an old girlfriend who e-mails him every day. He's a loyal person and I am deeply in love with him. I feel petty, but I can't help feeling jealous. Any thoughts?
A. Several years ago we became friends with a couple in which the male partner, a very loyal and caring guy, was still friends with all his old girlfriends. Our friends' relationship seemed to work out all right. Some people can maintain friendships with former partners and stay within the boundaries. Or perhaps your boyfriend, like Bill, has what we call the "nice guy syndrome" in that he has difficulty saying no to other people. Nice guys end up spending lots of time and energy taking care of other people's needs and making sure no one gets upset with them. We think it's all in the balance. How much do the ex-girlfriend's e-mails cut into your time together? Do you feel your boyfriend is just being loyal to her or do you feel either one is over-invested in the relationship? Be up front with your boyfriend, but bring it up as a concern, not an accusation. Tell him that you feel petty, but that his contact with her is bothering you.
Infidelity by American Assoc. of Marriage and Family Therapis After the devastating disclosure of infidelity, intense emotions and recurrent crises are the norm. The good news, however, is that the majority of marriages not only survive infidelity, but marriage and family therapists have observed that many marriages can become stronger and more intimate after couples therapy.
“Healing from Infidelity” by Michele Weiner-Davis, MSW
Life certainly has its challenges, but little compares to the monumental task of healing from infidelity.
from Parade Magazine/SmartMarriages free
“Online Infidelity” by AAMFT
An estimated 20 to 33 percent of Internet users go online for sexual purposes; most are male, about 35 years old, married with children, and well educated. free
Non-Adversarial Communication: Speaking and Listening from the Heart
BOOK: "A must read if we are going to make a better world." ~ Randall Huntsberry
Career Warfare: 10 Rules for Building a Successful Personal Brand and Fighting to Keep It
BOOK: ""A refreshing message ... from someone who has fought many corporate wars." <~ The New York Times
I Love You, but I'm Not IN Love with You
BOOK: An exciting new guide to put love back in before the relationship fizzles out!
Affair-Proof Your Marriage by Dr. Phil
Q&A With Bill & Stephanie O’Hanlon Facilitated by Coaching Circles 
Infidelity by American Assoc. of Marriage and Family Therapis 
